I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
