tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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