A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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