His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
