Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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