Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
