Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
