i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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