At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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