you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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