I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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