two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
