My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
