I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I came so hard my ears popped.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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