I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
