All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
