can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
