so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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