My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
