I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
