i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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