Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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