just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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