Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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