I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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