I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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