Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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