She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
