the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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