I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want a musical about memes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
