i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
