Welp...herpes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
