well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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