Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
