She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
