He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
