Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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