Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
