Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
