I think im going to throw up on grandma
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
