i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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