I could make wine with my vomit
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
