how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
