I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
