She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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