i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
pray to the hookup gods
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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