dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
