My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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