I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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