so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
