My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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