the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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