Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
