I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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