Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
